I’m so down I could just cry. Which sounds really lame. But there’s a certain point where you can’t bear it any longer, and you just break down and cry like a baby.
Megan and Mallory showed up at the recital yesterday, mom’s recital, because they’d had a party at Chantelle’s…then Mal had stayed at Megan’s house. They both came to the recital to hear Robyn play…or were forced to. I don’t know.
They ended up passing notes with Cheri the whole time about how ‘hot’ Jacob is. Sure, he’s a great guy, but it totally disgusted me. Especially how whenever I tried to lean over to get a look…nobody really let me. Mal was very sweet, tried to be nice…but things just aren’t the same anymore.
I went home right away after. Couldn’t even say goodbye…I felt so physically and emotionally sick. And I still feel that way. Like crapp. And I feel like everyone else regards me as crapp too.
Yes, I can post this, because I know Megan never reads my blog anymore. And I wouldn’t care if she did…how could I make her dislike me more?
Yesterday mom and I went for a long walk. I think…never mind what I think.
I’m trying to get my parents to let me stay home from church today. I don’t want to run away from God, no, I’d probably do some reading of my own. That’s the thing I least want right now. What I want is to run away from people. Too many people staring at me, critisizing me, hating me.

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