I’ve felt a bit down the past few days. And now I’m tired…that doesn’t help any. For one thing, the new girl in our class doesn’t seem to like me, but she likes Meg and Mal. Which is extremely frustrating. She said something about me behind my back a while ago, and though I’ve forgiven her, I don’t entirely TRUST her. It’s just so maddening…I’m one of a VERY few people in our class who doesn’t think they need a boy/girlfriend. It’s so frustrating. For instance, one boy just asked the new girl out, and then they broke up the next day. I really believe that this boy didn’t want to go out with her so much as he wanted to BE going out with her. you know? It is just a status symbol. Besides, until this week I didn’t even KNOW what going out was. It doesn’t make sense. They don’t even GO anywhere…they just call each other girlfriend and boyfriend. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, these kids are fourteen and fifteen! It’s so ridiculous! Man, I get so frustrated. They don’t like me at all, mostly because I DON’T think it’s great for them to be going out. I just want to stand up in front of them and yell until they’ve got some sense pounded into their heads. It is so FRUSTRATING! And there isn’t a darn thing I can do about the whole crappy affair! Someone shoot me, please.
Last night I had a dream that a bunch of people, including Megan, Kendra, and Dad, were in a play, and when the run finished, they decided to commit suicide, by inhaling methylchlorithane. that’s what it was called, but I’m quite sure it doesn’t really exist. Anyway, I went nuts and screamed and yelled at them, but they tried to do it anyway. I called Kendra’s mom, but she didn’t come, and then I called Megan’s mom, but they wouldn’t come, and then I called 911 and they, of course, said that it was harmless. Which it wasn’t.
In any case, I was still freaking out. I dragged Dad to the car and left him there while I frantically tried to think of a way to get help. Maybe what inspired this dream was me reading about that cult leader who had everyone drink koolaid laced with cyanide. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Eventually, after avoiding being run down by several church members, including Mrs. Zuckerman and Mrs. and Mr. Diaz, (this all took place at the church) I saw the police show up and lead everyone out of the church. Which was weird, because they were supposed to be dead. Turns out it had really just made them sleep heavily, so I’d flipped out for nothing. *sigh* This made me depressed all day…
there was more to the dream, including Matt and Stacie and a bunch of church and school people going to the fair to give me a rest after my trying day, and us seeing Jeff Sparks…that was WEIRD…
Oh well, I guess it’s time for me to go to bed and stop wallowing in self-pity.


  1. kelsey! Said,

    October 11, 2004 @ 10:45 am


    first of all, if you want to yell at them all until they’ve got some sense pounded into their brains, I say go for it. I agree. Fourteen and fifteen year olds often don’t really know how to handle something as huge as a relationship. This is not to say they CAN’T. But.. if you’re “going out” wiht someone, and then dump/ or break up wiht them the next day.. that’s a sure signe you’re not ready. BUT! You can be…. in my opinion.

  2. Krissy Said,

    October 12, 2004 @ 9:50 am

    [Does a dance of the heebejeebies, as seen on Calvin and Hobbes when they see a bug eating another bug] I do not like diseases or suicide or murder or anything else that makes you die painfully and slow.
    For some reason I can’t htink of anything else to say right now.

  3. Jessie Said,

    October 12, 2004 @ 8:14 am

    I know what you mean about the boy just wanting to BE going out with the girl. Glad somebody finally has the guts to put it into words.

  4. Krissy Said,

    October 16, 2004 @ 5:36 am

    Bullwinkle: If you are stopping for me to finish the sentence you’ve got a long wait!
    Store clerk: And I don’t have the guts to say it!
    Rocky: Well, here goes then! If it’s made out of rubies, then this must be the Ruby Yaght of Ohmar Kyam.
    I have no idea why that sprang to mind when Jessie said ‘….guts to put it into words.’
    But it did.

  5. Caleb Said,

    October 23, 2004 @ 7:44 am

    I’ll be praying for you. I have been homeschooled all my life and none of the friends I have (almost all from my church) and only a few boys and girls I know “go out together”. I find your situatiion very strange, but I guess it’s the norm nowadays. Thankfully not everyone is that way!

  6. Hannah Said,

    October 23, 2004 @ 8:10 am

    Thanks, Caleb, and everyone else. Especially for the prayer.
    It is pretty confusing to me too Caleb, because when I was homeschooled I wasn’t exposed to that at all…and I haven’t hit a stage where I am really physically attracted to guys yet. :-/ I don’t know…but God knows. So..need I say more?

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